Musician Humor

With the publication of Ervin Monroe's new comprehensive book about flute fingering, and his inclusion of some hilarious musician stories, I am reminded that musician stories are some of the funniest things I have ever heard. Or witnessed. For awhile I spent time wondering, why? What made these stories so compelling and so hilarious? And then I realized that there is such drama in the act of doing a highly silled action, very precisely, at a prescribed instant of time, regardless of anything else happening at that moment. Stress ANYTHING. Most great musicians are great observers of human nature and have a rare and ironic sense of humor. I was first introduced to this phenomenon by listening to the stories of my teacher, Murray Panitz. His capacity for the ironic was amazing, as was his attention to detail and the comedic opportunities in the mundane elements of life. He also had a fine ear for puns and word play. He loved to poke fun at people who took themselves too seriously. An apt student, I figured it could enhance my future as a musician to emulate him in this way. Just in case the flute thing didn't work out. So here are a couple of my own stories. Weddings. What a wealth of material!!! My harpist and I at one time played 70 a year. The most for one weekend was 4. How can you not get great stuff with that volume? So here is the top story. This was A WEDDING where every single detail was completely considered and reconsidered. And then the wedding party had champagne in the limo to the church and while the ladies were dressing. Did I mention it was August? In Delaware? And air conditioning in the Revolutionary War era church was struggling? Yup. All of the above. But everything started on time ( something you learn to be grateful for) and the men and women processed elegantly into the church. And then the bride. Resplendent in a hooped gown, beaming under a full length veil. The heat, champagne, and veil took their toll, and she fainted at the altar rail. Down into the gown. Deep into the gown. Out cold. Father, groom, and priest all desperately tried to pull her out of the gown. Satin is slippery and no one could get a grip. The only solution? Tip her over, and get her upright. Which happened, very slowly ( we are desperately pulling out all sorts of music) The hoop maintained its hoopiness, springing into its circular shape as the poor bride lay on her side. Much was revealed, apparently. Eventually she was escorted into the Sacristy. Still we played on. Signals from the wedding consultant let us know that the procession was once again ready to go. Very low key this time, a little shaky, but the couple was married. Where else can you get such material? The concert stage. Rehearsals and concerts provide excellent opportunities for comedic adventure. This story is about a freelance job in the hinterlands of the south west quadrant of Chester County PA. I was, of course, speeding down the PA turnpike, and was pulled over. 20 minutes while the ticket was written and the verbal warning given. Which made me late to the rehearsal. Not good for any number of reasons. 1. You don't want to make the contractor angry. 2. You don't want to make the conductor angry. 3. You don't want your pay docked. So I tried to enter silently. I am a known klutz so when I tripped over the bleachers for the chorus, no one who knows me should have been surprised. At that moment every eye in the room was on me as I wound my way through the percussion and the strings. Safely in my seat, Still in my coat, hands shaking, I put my flute together. My music not yet open on the stand, the other flutist, turned to me, and completely seriously said, "Where are we?". True story. Just stay tuned for some more fun stories. It will spice up the more serious stuff. The lesson is: don't take anything too seriously or else it will be someone else's funny story!

Sometimes it all works out: a true story!

Here is a story of how a 10-year old boy made his dreams come true with hard work and a little luck!

Zachary is a 6th grader in Newport News, Virginia, who has played the flute for about 18 months.  Last weekend, he entered the Elementary Division of the Newport Flute Faire Competition, and to his surprise and delight, won it, in a field of 8 competitors.

With the award came a cash prize of $20.00.  Zachary made the rounds of the exhibitors.  What did they have that was $20.00?  I didn't know Zachary at that point, so I showed him all sorts of things: Multitools, Wristies, Wooden flute swabs, I gave him an FPS pen, but nothing caught his fancy.  He walked off and I kept busy, not giving it another thought.

Later that afternoon, Zachery, with a smile from ear-to-ear, flute in outstretched hand, came running across the marble floors (you can imagine what my worst case scenario mentality was doing with that one!!) saying, "Thank you!  Thank you!"  Still mystified, I gave back the enthusiastic hug I was being given, and listened as Zachary's mom, herself all smiles, explained.

Let me give you a little back story.  When I go to events for the first time, I like to give a meaningful item for donation to the raffle drawing.  At this event I donated a nice entry level flute. 

When Zachary left my table that afternoon, he had decided to blow all of his earnings and purchase raffle tickets-10 at $2.00 each, in an effort to win that flute.  You see, his parents were not able to purchase a flute for him, so he was still playing a rental flute.  For those of you who understand what businesses use as rental stock, you know this was not a great flute by any stretch of the imagination.

And then he won the raffle flute!

The joy in his eyes was the intense, pure, unadulterated joy of a 10 year old boy who dreamed an improbable dream and it came true.  I must admit, the sight of that joy brought tears to my eyes.  What a powerful lesson for me, and I think Zachary.  Sometimes when you wish for something, and you take that huge risk, and put all you have into it, it actually works out.

Thank you, Zachary.

Melomanie Soars Again

It was a long day of showing flutes on Saturday. I didn't leave the shop until after 5:00, and I was very tired. Mind you, it was a great day, but sometimes your ears get tired after listening to flute trials for 5 hours. So I met my friend Kristen for a bite to eat and then to the Melomanie concert at Grace Church. How wonderful to hear the first piece: Blavet's Sonata in A minor ("La Vibray", which is the name of a place in France that is said to have inspired the sonata) for Baroque Flute ( Kimberly Reighley)Viola da Gamba (Donna Fournier)and harpsichord (Tracy Richardson). The purity of the music and it's elegant phrasing and ornamentation soothed my tired ears and brought a welcome feeling of serenity. The Baroque flute in that room was almost ethereal. If you closed your eyes, you couldn't tell where the sound was coming from, it simply surrounded you. For me, this was a kind of musical sorbet; my ears were ready for more! Next was the Corelli Sonata in D Major, op 5/1 featuring Christof Richter (violin),Douglas McNames (cello) and Tracy Richardson. Corelli is creditied as the first composer to write instrumental sonatas. I especially enjoyed the ornamentation on the part of all 3 players. The work contained some wonderful examples of instrumental recitative, again wonderfully executed. The first half of the program ended with contemporary composer Yuko Uebayashi's Suite for Flute and Cello. Conversational in nature, this highly contrapuntal work was at times fun, always flowerful and so well performed. After intermission, Tracy Richardson performed 10 pieces from Bela Bartok's "Mikrokosmos" which was so thought provoking heard on the harpsichord. I loved the clarity it provided so that the structure of each of the miniatures was easily heard. The entire ensemble gathered for the final work: Sonata IV in A Major op. 12/4 by Louis-Gabriel Guillemain. How interesting to have gamba and cello in the same ensemble. The balance was excellent and the lines elegantly carved. This concert was just what this flutist needed to hear, and the large audience (did they listen to flute trials all day too?)agreed with long and warm applause for each work. Thank you Melonamie!